If You Don't Like This Album...
You're An Asshole

 

By Kyle Markley



Last night my neighbor came over to borrow some CDs; all of his had just been stolen. So I began to weed through all my discs until I had assembled the ten that meant the most to me. This is not to say that these are the best albums, simply albums that have come in handy in my life.

The Sex Pistols
Never Mind The Bollocks

This album is not one of the finest ever to be recorded, but is also responsible for inspiring countless new bands to form in their wake.When I think what Nirvana, The Doors, and Jimi were able to do in less than three years with only a few records, and then consider that the Sex Pistols had only one record, it's even more remarkable. But they had the right idea: stand up, play loud music that says something, and don't give a fuck who likes it and who
doesn't.
Standout track: Holiday in the Sun

The Clash
London Calling

This one piqued my interest initially because it has one of the best covers of all time - a shot of bassist Paul Simonon smashing his bass at a show at the Palladium in New York. From the opening riff of the title track, I was completely hooked. They had a rare ability to play dark music about bad people doing bad things, but still make you feel better for having heard it.
Standout track: The Card Cheat

The Misfits
Walk Among Us

Although word has it Glenn Danzig goes postal when people talk about The Misfits, I'm gonna take my chances and salute this one anyway.When you think about all the things that bands like the Stones had - rockin' tunes that moved and made you want to get up and start breakin' stuff, The Misfits had it all. In my opinion, they're one the finest American bands of all time. Truly a travesty that we live in a world where Fred Durst has mansions and millions of dollars and Danzig doesn't.
Standout track: Teenagers from Mars

Pink Floyd
The Wall

This is the granddaddy of all rock records - the Beethoven's Ninth of today. Note for note, the single greatest album that has ever been
made by anyone. This one hit my ears in seventh grade, just as my brother and I was asked to leave St. John's Lutheran for starting a Sin Club. Anyone who still feels deep down that the world is a cold, scary place filled with larger than life cartoon characters that are out to get 'em - this is the record for you.
Standout Track: The Trial


The Rolling Stones
Exile On Main Street

Back in the day, British musicians making money in America were in something like the 95% tax bracket (see The Beatles - Tax Man: 'here's one for you, nineteen for me'). Well this didn't sit well with former London School of Economics student Mick Jagger, who dragged his band into French exile to record this 1972 classic.Now, factor in the epidemic heroin use, unlimited fame, money, and power, add a horn section and some good old fashion misogyny, and you've got Exile on Main Street. From the opening riff of 'Rocks Off', it is literally four vinyl sides of pure joy. I read recently somewhere that Mick Jagger's standout memory of recording this album is trying to sing into the mic, but not having enough slack in the mic cord, because someone was using it to tie off their arm to shoot up. Enough said.
Standout Track: Lovin' Cup

Smashing Pumpkins
Siamese Dream

Billy Corgan has more talent trapped under his fingernails than anyone in music right has in their entire being. Perhaps I'm just a Chicago boy giving props to another, but I challenge anyone to listen to this album and not say 'fuck!" The best thing about this band is Jimmy Chamberlin - the greatest drummer in the history of rock and roll. Anyone who disagrees with this is full of shit.
Standout Track: Geek USA

Eminem
Marshall Mathers LP

This is the first rap album that made me realie rap could be art. There's a brilliance of storytelling on this album that rivals Bob Dylan and Paul Simon. I still remember the look on my friend's face when I told him that Eminem was the John Lennon of today.
Standout Track: What I Am

Kiss
Kiss Alive!

Start to finish the best live album ever made. Recorded in 1975 at the height of their powers, this album is what put Kiss on the map to a mass audience. This is the one Kiss album everyone must own.
Standout Track: Deuce

Bob Marley
Catch A Fire

This is another example of the cover inspiring me to pick up the album: Bob with the biggest, fattest joint I'd ever seen. Fuck 'Legend" - his greatest hits compilation, this is the one to own. Turn it on late at night, kick back, and enjoy.
Standout Track: Slave Driver

U2
Achtung Baby

This was the U2 album that made me finally concede that these guys were the shit. The hype that had always surrounded them distracted me, so I for the most part wrote them off as a good, but over-rated band.When I got my hands on this one, it didn't leave my disc player for the entire summer of '92. What I didn't realize then, though, was that these guys had risked their careers by making such a huge departure from what had gotten them famous in the first place.
Standout Track: Light My Way

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