Being A Celebrity:
The Next Best Thing To Being...

By Kevin Pack

That line, to some extent, was right on the money. Being a Celebrity is like having a get out of jail card basically. It is not a lifetime membership though folks. You have a certain amount of holes you can punch, and when you mess up often enough or just fuck up really badly, you'll end up getting all your holes punched. If you get them all punched before the year is over, guess where you're going??? If you go all year and have extra holes that weren't punched, when the new year starts you get a whole new card plus the holes that weren't punched on the last one. This means that you can be a really bad boy this year and start New Years of with a bang!!

Funny how Charlie Sheen took total advantage of Heide Fliess' services, yet she is the only one that got locked up. O.J. brutally murdered two people, one of which was his own wife, but he is still standing by his vow to find the killer by looking at every golf course in California. There is outstanding evidence that Puffy did wrong in the night club shooting, yet Shyne is the one doing the 10 year sentence in the grey bar hotel. Why? Simple, Puffy is a wealthy mogul and Shyne is not. He was just an up and coming rapper who was getting his start. He didn't have the money to buy off the jury and whoever else needed to be.

My favorite is ODB's story. This is where the dis part comes in, because in no way is this a dis. ODB is one of the realest people, let alone rappers, ever. Nobody could come close to imitating his operatic style raps. Who else rides in a limo to pick up their welfare check and food stamps? He finally went to jail because he messed up pretty bad, pretty often. He escaped from his rehabilitation center, played with the other Wu members at a NYC concert while police were in front of the venue, and even recorded his vocals for new songs for the Wu album, all while being a wanted man. He is now serving a two year sentence in prison. Long live and god bless ODB!!!

Then there is Robert Downey Jr. I am a big fan of his, but who else could repeatedly get away with what he has if they weren't a Celebrity? Yes he did do time behind bars, but calculate his time against what an "average" citizen would get and that would be equal to a kindergartner sitting in the time out chair for 10 minutes. This is not entirely his fault, his fate is in the judge and jury's hands. Plus, the only person he is hurting besides his loved ones is himself. I really hope he pulls through and kicks that shit because he really DOES have talent, it practically oozes out of his pores. More importantly, besides being an incredible actor, he seems like a real stand up guy. I know, sometimes things aren't what they seem. I hope I am not wrong in this case.

Not all aspects of their benefits are legal. That is just part of it. Look at Fred Durst(Insert comments here), his band gets big and he starts his own label, Interscope makes him Vice President, he directs music videos, now HOLLYFUKINWIERD lets him direct a feature. I have friends who actually went to and graduated from college with a film degree who are looking for jobs at In-&-Out Burger while waiting for studios to wake up and take notice of talent, not status and ego. I just hope he doesn't write the movie too, seeing as he is such a poet and did wonders for song writing.
Everybody and their mother has their own record label imprint and production company. There was a time when that actually meant something, when that was a big deal. Now it just seems like a given. It is easy to separate the ones who take it seriously and who take chances and strive to create quality products from the ones who use it as a vanity project.

Do you ever go into a bookstore and see your favorite magazine with a special "Celebrity Edition" copy? I saw one copy of Jane magazine a couple of months that had this on the cover. This is when they get Celebrities to write articles, stories, reviews, etc. Wow, what a perk!! If a "normal" person wants to do this for a living, they have to study journalism for four years in college, and that's just to get their foot in the door! They still have to apply, be interviewed, intern, etc.. But if Kathy Lee wants to write an article for a magazine or co-host The View, by all means, let's give her what she wants! And she isn't even a Celebrity, she is the fakest person to ever step foot on this planet and a 24 hour cry for attention! Keep up the good job with the slave labor Ms. Gifford! I say Ms. because you should have ditched Frank's cheating ass.

Maybe one of these days, the Entershamement industry will actually start to take chances on talented people with unique visions instead of letting the celebs have everything handed to them just to make watered down dribble! Only in a perfect world I guess!?!?

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