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For anyone who has been living under a rock or just in a
dumpster, Reality T.V. has been the latest craze to blow through
the depths of T.V. land this past year. After Survivor,
all the biters came along and cranked out a slew of imitations
that were, dare I say, even worse than Survivor. After
the viewing audience made reality T.V. all the rage, there
was an endless amount of imitations to choose from; The Amazing
Race, Fear Factor, Temptation Island, Big Brother, blah blah
blah....
If you are a Reality T.V. fan, I'm warning you, you should
not read any further!! Alright, now that I got that out of
the way, if you are still with me, I'm going to let you in
on a little secret that the non fans already know and the
fans are in constant denial about; Reality T.V. is not real,
it is scripted!! Yeah, no shit, it is totally scripted!!
If you believe otherwise, than I guess you also believe that
the cats from the Whiskas commercials can really talk.
After watching about 20 minutes of one episode, I wondered
who on earth would watch this and who on earth would believe
this is all happening spontaneous. They are most likely
one and the same, but there are people who probably know it
is all fake and watch anyways, which is even more unbelievable!!
Trying to tell Survivor fans it is scripted is like trying
to tell WWF fans that the Rock knew he was going to loose
before he even got in the ring, they won't listen and simply
won't buy what I am selling!!
Reality T.V. is nothing more than a really badly written
soap opera acted out by those who can't. A public access
show with a bigger budget and better looking eye candy. I'd
personally rather watch public access myself. Watching
a senior citizen couple dressed like cowboys and doing karaoke
to country songs is far more entertaining and alas, far more
amusing. If I wanted eye candy, I'd watch Skinamax,
the finest soft core porn that cable T.V. has to offer!!!
God bless the premium channels!!
When watching Temptation Island, are we supposed to believe
that Sharon's crying real tears because Billy is going to
get it on with one of the Temptresses? Let's say, for
argument's sake, that this show isn't scripted. Let's say
that nobody knows what is going to happen next and that the
events that unfold are exactly what we see, what does that
say about the people that are on the show? Or better yet,
what does that say about the people that watch it? I
wouldn't really use the words "human being" to describe
them. These people, actors, whatever they are, go on
a show where they are or portray happy couples who are so
happy and so in love, and the whole point of going on is to
have their relationship broken up. Oh, I'm sorry, "tested."
If they were real couples, and happy ones at
that, they wouldn't go on the show in the first place.
Everyday life is a test to see if couples can make it, you
don't need to go to an islandwith amazon beauties and participate
in raving orgies to find that out. So that is what the
American viewing audience considers entertainment; watching
happy couples being split apart, having their whole
world come crashing down, and airing their dirty laundry for
the whole world to, ummm, see?? Wow, we've come along way!
Next, well start watching televised executions of inmates
as they are electrocuted! We could call it "The
Chair," or as Doc Brown would say, "1.21 Jigowatts."
Then once those ratings soar through the roof, other channels
will copy with shows like "Firing Squad," "Hang
Man," "Gas Chamber," and my favorite, "Lethal
Injection!!"
If that's what the public wants, by all means let's give it
to them.
Meanwhile, I'm still watching public access
where Billy Bob, Gabe, and C-Bass have spent all night drinking
and are shooting rats in the alley way!! That's entertainment,
drunk hillbillies with guns!! These shows are anything
but real, they are just a breeding ground for groups of people
who will do anything to get there 15 minutes. The fat,
naked gay guy from Survivor has a longer life spanthan the
goddamn Energizer Bunny and is more annoying to boot.
Whenever I see him at events and he speaks, I see his mouth
moving and I know he says what is written for him, but all
I hear is, "Hey, I'm fat, gay, and walked around a beach
naked and got a million bucks to do it!! You too can live
your dream, if it can happen to me, it can happen to you!"
The worst of all these shows has to be Murder
in Small Town X. A show described as a game where people are
murdered and you have to figure out who did it. Hmmmm,
where in the world is Carmen Sandiego when you need her??
This sounds interesting. Why don't you just rent a movie
that follows along these lines, you know there are at least
a million to choose from. At least. Maybe go with
something along the lines of The Usual Suspects or a cult
classic like Clue. How can you go wrong with a movie based
on a board game? To even compare Murder in Small Town X would
be a disgrace to these films, and a complete waste of time.
I'd rather pick lent out of my belly button and play with
my Destiny's Child dolls!! Oh Beyonce, what pretty hair you
have.
If you want to watch real Reality T.V., there
is a show that has been around before T.V. was even invented,
maybe you have heard of it, it is called the news. You
might say it is too depressing, but remember, you watch Temptation
Island. It is live, unscripted, and on at least 3 times
a day, so you have no excuse to miss it. This is as
real as it gets folks, the chalk outlines are not written
into the scene, the car chases are not rehearsed stunts, and
the people interviewed are not actors. The many murder
victims' dead bodies are not dummies, the blood is not ketchup(or
for those of you who only watch AMC and TMC, chocolate syrup),
the police tape is not a prop and neither is the gun that
shot the bullet that caused the blood to shed. The hole in
their heads is not the outcome of Hollywood's latest makeup
wizards, it, as well as everything else, is real. All too
real.
The news is the one real Reality T.V. show that
has everything we've come to expect from our entertainment;
violence, sex, car chases, explosions, action, drugs, etc.
The only difference is there isn't always a happy ending.
If you are going to watch a "real show," watch the
news or America's Most wanted. Something that can inform
or educate. Otherwise, you just wasted an hour of life that
you can never get back, and that IS reality!
P.S. All of MY articles are copywritten, so
unless you plan on cutting me a fat royalty check, I suggest
you don't copy this or anything that has my name on it fool!!!
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