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LEO
(July 24 - August 23)
No Craig - these aren't about you.
VIRGO
(August 24 - September.23)
Are you really marrying a guy you've only known a few
months? And to think - I used to think you were the smart one.
LIBRA (September.
24 - October. 23)
You're the kinda person that goes to a party, gets drunk
and finds three people on E chillin' out in a dark room twirling
glow sticks, and start yapping their fucking ears off about
101 things that NO ONE gives a shit about - completely ruining
their night. Thanks you fucking asshole!
SCORPIO (October
24 - November 22)
Deep breaths. Deep cleansing breaths. They will all be
dead very soon. Deep breaths.
SAGITTARIUS
(November 23 - December 21)
Isn't it great how you get fucked every year by having
a birthday so close to Christmas?
CAPRICORN
(December 22 - January 20)
Enough already. You just flat out suck at whatever you
have going on.
AQUARIUS
(January 21 - February 19)
If God didn't want us to do drugs, then why did he make
reality so fucking shitty?
PISCES (February
20 - March 20)
You are desperate to marry because you are afraid to
live. It's a lot safer to lock yourself away and hide from new
possibilities.
ARIES
(March 21 - April 20)
I started to think I was becoming a nice person or something
because I haven't been able to write like an asshole for a while,
but listening to you blibber blabber on and on and ON all fucking
night last night got me back on my feet in no time.
TAURUS (April
21 - May 21)
In 2001 I let you pull a bunch of shit without retaliation.
Well 2002 is gonna be a lot different asshole, so get ready
for it.
GEMINI (May
22 - June 21)
Goddamn you are so full of shit! And it fucking amazes
me that you actually manage to get a few people in the room
to nod their heads along to it.
CANCER
(June 22 - July 23)
Everyone in the room who thinks you enjoy your current
mess, say 'I'
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