Being closer in age to the average Damned fan than the average Rob Zombie fan, I have to call the highlight of the night the hour-plus opening set by Punk pioneers The Damned. Obviously this was done more as a personal favor from Rob Zombie to his heroes than a business move suggested by the Einstein's at Geffen Records.

 

But regardless of the politics involved, a long since forgotten about band that has written some of the finest shit ever got to play to a nearly filled Universal Amphitheater - arguably the biggest crowd they've played to in at least twenty years, all because a social outcast named Rob Zombie got off to 'Machine Gun Etiquette' when he was a kid.


So how did The Damned approach their big chance to score new legions of pissed off kids? By telling the crowd they were basically nubie wankers, and putting their all into a blistering set that got little more than scattered applause from the same aforementioned nubie wankers. Now granted, singer Dave Vanian looks like Eddie Munster and sounds like the mutant bastard child of Elvis and Glenn Danzig, and geeks weaned on cute bands like Green Day and Blink 182 couldn't possibly be expected to approach the statistical density of The Damned. But they rocked a lot harder than they were credited for. A lot.

 

Ok - so that brings me to Rob Zombie. To make it simple for those of you at home, it breaks down like this:

Rob Zombie Himself: excellent. Great voice, great presence, looks like a certifiable psychopath.

Rob's Band: again - excellent. Tight, didn't skip a beat, and looked at least partially in line with Satan themselves.

Rob Stage: Set: Gay as Hell. Horribly cheesy, cheesy, cheesy skulls that glowed in the fucking dark. Ya know - like really bad Haunted Houses? I preferred to keep my eyes shut and envision what I consider to be evil. And I assure you - it didn't include any glow in the dark skulls.

Evil Factor: Thumbs Down - Horse Shit Horror Movies Are More Legit Evil. He looks evil - but doesn't come nearly as close as a guy like Danzig, actually convincing me he is in fact in line with The Dark One.

The Hour - 15 Minute Set: Fuckin' Pussies. I've seen 4 ½ hour Grateful Dead shows and a 5 ½ hour Phish show - I know what can be done if the dudes on stage really, really want to be there.

There was another opening act prior to The Damned that was so ridiculously horrible I refuse to even mention them here - lest someone actually read this go out and listen to them - chancing that we will be stuck with one of their terrible songs stuck on KROQ for the next three or four years. Was I glad I went? Sure - it's not like I have a legitimate social life in progress or anything, so a Rob Zombie show is as good an offer as I'm prone to get these days. But $35.00 for the ticket is ridiculous - for any band. I don't care of they wake Jimi Hendrix's dead ass up and prop him out on stage, there is a certain principal issue in paying a week's salary to see a 75 minute show.

So go out and buy The Damned 'Machine Gun Etiquette', and play it really loud.

[editors note: after this show The Damned was kicked off the tour, promoters citing lack of interest from Zombie's teeny-bobber audience]

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