VOTED #1 ENTERTAINMENT PUBLICATION AMONG DRUNKS, JUNKIES AND THE UNEMPLOYABLE
 
 
 

Whore-O-Scopes

by: Harry Turtleneck

(July 24 - Aug. 23)
You think you're so hard core that you're gonna get a 'Behind The Music' or 'E True Hollywood Story' made about you, but in reality you will be lucky if get a fucking 'Profiles' on Lifetime Television For Women.

(Aug. 24 - Sept. 23)
Ever get the feeling that you've been out of the real world for so long that you wouldn't even be able to re-adjust if you had to? Or maybe it's just me.

(Sept. 24 - Oct. 23)
I decided today that pot has actually saved my life, since I'm too high to leave the house I must have missed tragedy by now at least once, Right? I thought so, too.
(Oct. 24 - Nov. 22)
Go buy the new Eminem album when it comes out.

(Nov. 23 - Dec. 21)
Hugh Hefner turned 76 last month, and even with youth on your side you're life will never be nearly as interesting as his. Ever..

(Dec. 22 - Jan. 20)
Who the fuck keeps calling me from this 'Caller ID Blocked' number? I mean haven't you figured out yet that I screen my calls? Trying again in 6 seconds will NOT help your cause.

(Jan. 21 - Feb. 19)
I hate you I hate you I hate you don't leave me.

(Feb. 20 - March 20)
These are without a doubt the WORST Whore 'O' Scopes I've EVER written.
(March 21 - April 20)
The best part about living in LA is when you're flying on E at 2 in the morning, and a Ghetto Pigeon appears out of nowhere and beams it's spot light on you as you cross the street - completely minding your own business. I guess that's protecting and serving.

(April 21 - May 21)
I had an interesting revelation recently: treat important people like shit, and unimportant people like royalty and you will always be able to infuriate a lot of shitty shallow people.

(May 22 - June 21)
I don't think I've ever met a Gemini that I actually liked… not even a little.

(June 22 - July 23)
Who?




Printer Friendly
Version
**EXCLUSIVE** INTERVIEW WITH RON JEREMY



THE HEDGEHOG

 

EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE TOUGH GUY



HENRY ROLLINS

 

HE WENT PRO AT AGE 4
THE INTERVIEW!!



JAMES BRADLEY JR.
"JBJ"



copyright Publicity Whore 2002