The untold story of the greatest freak show on earth, The Jim Rose Circus. From Mr. Lifto to Transvestite Mexican Wrestling , The Jim Rose Circus is definitely one of a kind. Read on only if you have the stomach to endure the tales of true madness that is The Jim Rose Circus.

******************************************* Jim Rose: So Kyle, did you come up with Publicity Whore?

PW: Me and my brother Craig.

JR: Well I am loving it already, man.

PW: We are mutual admirers then, Jim.

JR: All right!

PW: So for the three or four people out there who do not know who you are, or what the Jim Rose Circus is, what the hell is the Jim Rose Circus?

JR: Thrills, chills, and doctor bills. A ticket is good for a whole seat, but you will only use the edge. High-flying, bone-jarring excitement. Not since Christians were fed to the lions has there been a show this hysterical. See the Amazing Mr. Lift-O, who has recovered from a John Wayne Bobbit-style operation. His detachment issue has been resolved. It is now bigger, harder and meaner than the Alaskan Pipeline, and it carries more spew. You will freeze your seed before it hits the restroom tile. It has a heart, a lung, and a mind all its own. It is like a babies arm, holding a - Hey, by the way, guys?

PW: Yeah?

JR: They took skin off of his ass and grafted it to his shaft. Cause you know his dick fell off?

What?!?

PW: Now Jim, I think the "Dick Falling Off" story is something that every Publicity Whore reader pretty much needs to continue in life.

JR: Well, now that he has got that skin on there, he just scratches a part of his ass and he gets a hard on. But anyway, we were in a shopping cart - the whole circus, and Lift-O had it attached to his man hammer through a chain. And we were doing this for a video, see, and he pulls us and it looks like he is going over a cliff. Now in all fairness to Publicity Whore readers, the drop was only about 2 1/2 feet, but for the video purposes we made it look, you know - cavernous. So anyway, he leans back, takes the cart to the precipice and leans back. The shopping cart does not move, and I look down at the end of the chain, and his best friend is hangin on the floor.

PW: Jesus!

PW: Would you please describe his reaction.

I have to ask again ...What?!?

JR: I mean, to Lift-O - that was a Kodak Moment. He pretty much laughed about it - took a picture. Then he sobered up the next day, and thank god cooler heads prevailed, and we managed to get that head in the cooler. In his surgery, now, they did not add any length, ya know? They did not add any girth. It is what it is - it looks like a mangled Doberman chew toy. But I knew he was back in full form when he bungee-jumped from his penis. We tethered the cord up to the ceiling of the venue - this was in Boston. And when he jumped off the ladder and started bouncing, he was just screaming while he bounced and the audience loved it.

PW: So at what point in life did you recognize your knack for spotting freaks?

JR: My only goal was a pop-out couch and a toaster. I grew up working at the State Fair grounds, so monster truck shows, professional wrestling, freak shows, you know? So everything I knew my mom would hate I enjoyed. The older kids in the neighborhood would get in shopping carts, and then when I got a little older I started doing it. I am probably the stupidest person youve ever interviewed

PW: Are you sure about that?

PW: We tend to deal with a lot of silly people, so -

JR: Do you think they are really stupid?

Where does one discover this talent?

PW: Some of them - absolutely. Not everyone is blessed at birth, you could say.

JR: Right, right!

PW: So is there anything too freaky for the Jim Rose Circus?

JR: Yeah - lunch with a lawyer

PW: I concur. Has anyone besides Mr. Lift-O been killed or maimed?

JR: Oh sure. I mean if you could see me right now, you would say "Jim - next to you, the Elephant Man just looks a little puffy." We do this thing in each show where we come up with challenges for the others to do. And we know each other pretty well, so we know what each other hates. So I pulled out "Spray yourself in the face with bear repellent."

PW: So how did that one grab ya?

JR: I mean, I have been sprayed with pepper spray, ya know? Lots of times. Pepper spray is a no-brainer, double entendre. Now pepper spray is the premature little sister of bear repellent. I mean - I know it sounds cool to spray yourself in the fact with bear repellent, but I want the Publicity Whore readers to know that it is not a good idea.

PW: Now listen to him, kids, he is a professional. So is there a typical audience member you guys tend to attract?

JR: There is no such thing anymore. I have been around too long. You will see a biker next to a cowboy, next to cowboy, next to a punk rocker, next to a University artist, next to a lesbian, next to a fag. And they are all pointing at the stage, laughing, and slapping each other on the back.

Let Me Give You A Hand With That ...

PW: So you are bringing communities together?

JR: Pretty much. Gods work - yeah.

PW: Have you considered going over to the Middle East and brokering some sort of peace deal?

JR: We used to do the Middle East, back in the early 90s, when it was not so dangerous. We went into a strip club and the guys would yell "Show me your face!"

(Phone rings)

PW: You got another call, there, Jim?

JR: Believe it or not - that is my cigarette lighter.

PW: Reminding you to have another smoke?

JR: It is a fucking cell phone. I have to make it ring before I can smoke a cigarette. Somebody gave it to me the other day, cause they did not think I was on the phone enough.

PW: So a guy like Mr. Lift-O is pretty much the Michael Jordan of his chosen profession. That stated, does he have an elaborate Barbara Streisand-like list of backstage demands?

JR: Well, we all have our peculiarities, ya know? Mr. Lift-O usually deals with ointments and salves, ya know? He needs to keep the area around the stitches semi-moisturized.

PW: So no teenage virgins and a retired astronaut?

JR: Maybe a retired astronaut, hold the "tronaut." But teenage virgins? No that was a few years ago - when we drank more

PW: So gimme your greatest freak show groupie story.

JR: We were in Holland once, and we had this girl come up to us before the show and she says "I am the Candle Lady. I stick a candle in my vagina, flip my legs back over my head, light the candle, take a sip of gasoline, and blow a huge fire ball between my legs." And we thought "Ok - cool. We have anything else to do." So she takes off her clothes, lays on her back, sticks the cuntle in her cant, flips her legs back, takes the sip of gas, and blows a huge fire ball - creating much more heat than a candle is used to. So it melts the candle, and the wax ran down into a pool in her anus. Now, she pulls the candle out, and we all applauded. When she stood up she bowed, and I heard this ping on the floor - it was an exact replica of her sphincter.

Wanna Watch Me Play "Freebird"?

PW: That is a fantastic story, Jim. If you could be any one person from history, who would it be and why?

JR: Winston Churchill

PW: You know, when I interviewed Ron Jeremy he picked Churchill, too?

JR: Well great minds think alike. One time Winston was taking some journalists around his pig farm, and one of the journalists asked him why he liked pigs so much. And he said "Dogs look up to you, cats look down on you, and pigs treat you as an equal." I always liked that.

PW: So do have any advice for any young, aspiring freaks out there who might be reading Publicity Whore today?

JR: Try to stay away from bear repellent. But seriously - if you are gonna imitate me, make sure you say who your influences are. Do not just be a jackass.

PW: What do you think of the show "Jackass?"

JR: They are good guys. I mean - I am not the first person who ever got in a shopping cart, so whatever

PW: Are you ever gonna get a show of your own going?

JR: Well - we got a show. I would bet Publicity Whore does not read "Hollywood Reporter?"

PW: Once or twice, looking for people to make fun of.

JR: Yeah - I hear you. Well, if you had read it about a month ago, you would have seen I signed a deal for a show - probably to air on VH1. I will know on the 25th. Matter of fact, they are already filming it - this interview is being filmed right now. They film the first five rows of all my shows, so if you are in the first five rows you are gonna be on international television starting in the fall. And they are just letting us drink like fish, and I am a pot head. Well, I am a born-again pot head. I went away for while, but now I am back!.

PW: They never stay away long, do they?

Whattaya Think He's Trying To Say?

JR: No - uh uh. But I really like pot. I came up with the idea for Mexican Transvestite Wrestling while high. In fact, that will be at the House Of Blues, too. First of all they wear dildos, and the first one who can force into the other ones mouth for a three count wins. Slapping is allowed. Fisting, kicking, biting is illegal. No holds barred. All the action takes place below the belt. No chickens at this cock fight, guys, it is the Mexican Transvestite Wrestling Panty Weight Division Championship Bout. The belt is on the line, and the balls are gonna fly there at the House Of Blues. We have Low Blow Ventura, Trailer Trash Guerrero, Pickles Valdez, and Billy Martinez "The Barrio Bottom." He is every mans woman and every womans man, you will always find him at the bottom of the pile. I am not sure that he even wants to win. But he has a lot on the line. Pickles Valdez will be going up against the Barrio Bottom - now these two are former Fag Team partners, and they hate each other with a pansy passion because Pickles stole Martinezs lover. You know I got arrested for them in Lubbock, Texas?

PW: What happened in Lubbock?

JR: Well, they said I was simulating a sex act.

PW: Were you?

JR: With Mexican Transvestite Wrestling? If so, then they are fuckin weirder than we are.

PW: Well you were in the Great State of Texas.

JR: Yeah - the best compliment I could give the audience there was "Nice tooth."

50 Million Housewives Cannot Be Wrong!

PW: So with all the injuries you guys sustain, you must have a pretty elaborate medicine cabinet. Have the makers of Vicodin approached you for some sort of spokesman role?

JR: Well - they used to a lot more. I used to get what was called Dilaudid back in the 80s.

PW: Yeah Dilaudid! That is the shit that killed Elvis.

Gimme Some More Pills, Mama!

JR: Yeah - right! I had a little motorcycle accident in Belgium where I tried to jump 27 mules. I cleared the mules, but still managed to crash. I hurt my back, and I used that pretty much as an excuse to do about $300 worth of Dilaudid a day for about eight years.

PW: How did that work out for you?

JR: I stared at my shoes a lot. And puked, and scratched and shit. One time I was just laying there, and there was this dude lying next to me. Not like we were queer - we just had nothing else to do. And we were out at this beach and he goes "Man, Jim - there is this beautiful chick walkin by. She has got a bikini on and you can see her tits." And I said "Man - I wish I was looking that way." So it got to the point where I was pretty strung out. And that is when I got off it by drinking very, very, very, extremely heavily.

PW: Did you learn that technique from Eric Clapton?

JR: What technique?

Would Somebody Please Get Me a Fuckin Drink!

PW: Swapping heroin for the bottle.

JR: Right! And most of that mess has been documented in different books and videos, like the one with Nine Inch Nails. But now I am just a born-again pot head.

PW: So after the obvious career highlight of this Publicity Whore Interview, what dreams are left to achieve?

JR: Well - I was on the X-files, in one of their most popular episodes as a murder suspect. Homer ran away and joined my circus on The Simpsons as a human cannonball, I did Politically Incorrect with Jerry Falwell, I smoked pot right in front of John Kennedy Jr., back before he got his pilot license. Trent Reznor used to be my roommate, I know David Bowie, I did Ozzy Osbournes retirement party, and Sharon made the kids leave the room, William S. Burroughs used to come to my shows before he died. What was the question again?

PW: Any dreams left to accomplish?

JR: Oh - dreams. Yeah - cause meeting a bunch of goofballs is not a dream, that just happens in the circus. So other than the Publicity Whore Interview? That is a tough one - the Publicity Whore Interview may be it.

If I Only Had a Brain ...

PW: I mean - obviously The Simpsons does not quite compare to Publicity Whore.

JR: Exactly. And like I told you earlier - all I wanted out of the deal was a pop-out couch and a toaster, so I have to pinch myself daily to believe that all this is possible. I just bought a house in Maui. They have got some really good pot over there.

PW: Would you call yourself a millionaire, Jim?

JR: Well, I am working on my second million. I gave up on the first one.

PW: The first one is the bitch of the bunch, aint it?

JR: Oh, I do SSX Tricky. That one pays really well. You know I am on those video games, right?

PW: Which video games?

Go Buy This Fuckin Game!

JR: SSX Tricky. I am Simon. And they liked that game so much I am also Simon on the new one - Sled Storm II. And I am doing a bunch more of those, so maybe I will be a millionaire by the time I am through. Maybe the TV show will make me a millionaire. You know, I run into all these people that have all these wonderful proposals, and yeah - I have been all over he world, and yeah - I never have to pay for anything, but -

PW: I have four words for you when it comes to negotiating. Its really simple: Fuck you - pay me.

JR: Fuck you, pay me?

PW: Exactly! Now they wont teach you that at Harvard, but I am telling you - it works.

JR: Maybe I should. Another guy told me "You never get what you deserve, you only get what you negotiate." But it seems whenever opportunity knocks, I have the headphones on, so -

PW: So wanna tell the dates and locations of some upcoming shows?

JR: Oh fuck. This is like an AA meeting, man, I take this one day at a time.

PW: So you dont even know when your next show is?

JR: Well, I know I am in Atlanta right now. Thats where I am talking to you from, bro. I mean dude. You guys are in California, right?

PW: Right - but bro works, too

JR: Oh - did you know I was Jimmy The Geek, the Venice Beach Rubber Man, back in the 80s when I was a heroin addict? That is how I made my money - fucking with tourists.

PW: You rock Jim.

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