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(July
24 - Aug. 23)
If
you happen to rub a magic lantern today, summoning a genie
who offers you your pick of old broads from TV to fuck, you
gotta go with Maureen McCormick – TV’s Marcia
Brady. Twice my age or not, I’d eat a mile of shit just
to get to her asshole.
(Aug. 24 - Sept.
23)
If
Publicity Whore molested children as prolifically as the Catholic
Church, would you drop money in our collection basket when
we passed it to you?
No
– then WHY THE FUCK DO YOU DROP MONEY IN THEIRS?!?
(Sept. 24 - Oct.
23)
Go
to the Viper Room on Monday and see Metal Shop. Trust
me.
(Oct.
24 - Nov. 22)
A
wise man once said that the trick in life is to lead such
an active life yourself, that you couldn’t possibly
have time to criticize anyone else’s.
Obviously
this wise man didn’t write for Publicity Whore.
(Nov. 23 - Dec.
21)
The
best thing, I’ve found, about having the really
sticky, stinky chronic, is that you can trade it for any service
you could ever possibly need from someone.
(Dec. 22 - Jan. 20)
Now
be honest – somewhere inside you secretly wanted to
see those sniper dudes keep going, didn’t you?
(Jan. 21 - Feb.
19)
When
people ask me to recommend the most delightful ice cream
treat available for the youngsters (and believe me –
it happens all the time), I personally have to go with the
traditional Drumstick. I mean seriously – it has nuts,
it has chocolate, I challenge you to find a more delightful
ice cream treat.
(Feb. 20 -March 20)
Seriously
– I challenge you to find a topic less
interesting than what’s going on with that tramp
J Lo and her little weinerhead boyfriend Ben Affleck.
(March 21 - April 20)
Ya know
what sucks? When leaving the house is your single biggest
fear in life, yet it’s the only path to inspirado.
 (April
21 - May 21)
All those
people who complain that Publicity Whore just spouts a bunch
of our opinions need to realize that our opinions are shared
by literally tens of people out there - we just happen
to write it down.
(May 22 - June
21)
Right
now, as I write this, thousands of wannabes are lined up
at the Rose Bowl waiting to try out for American Idol: Mach
II.
Now
if this were the crowd Saddam Hussein chose to test his
chemical or biological weapons on, would you really
mind?
 (June
22 - July 23)
You
suck. That is all…..
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